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Hey Reader,

I’d like to bring back telegrams and here’s why.

Telephoning people is awkward and stressful and very, very sweaty.

Sending letters is delightful and I do it a lot but it takes too long when you have something urgent to say to someone.

Texting or WhatsApping can feel very abrupt and a misplaced full stop or thumbs up emoji can end friendships.

SnapChat is for children and criminals.

Meeting face-to-face is lovely but also awkward and stressful and armpit-drenching but mostly it’s not possible if the person you’re trying to message is a very long way from you.

Emails get eaten by Big Email which decides that the emails you want from the people you want to hear from should actually go into your spam dungeon so you probably won’t see them.

Passive-aggressive social media posts have their place but they’re very public and are you really prepared for the fallout?

Video calls are an option but then the recipient of your message will see all your facial expressions and that’s dangerous.

So honestly the best option is a telegram.

It’s short and sharp, charged by the word so no room for fluff or prevarication, it’s in all-caps so conveys a sense of unhinged screeching which can underline the importance of what you have to say, and it arrives fast. Nobody else will see it unless you choose to share it. It’s impossible for the recipient to yell at you immediately afterwards, giving you time to hide.

Plus it forces you to be brief which is an absolutely crucial skill if you want to be a good and effective writer. Here’s an idea: charge yourself by the word and see how snappy you can be.

The revivification of telegrams is a plan with no drawbacks.

Telegrams STOP no drawbacks STOP

What else should we bring back? Carrier pigeons? Smoke signals? Spy-style dead-drops?

TTFN,

Vicky 🫡

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